One ponytail per realtionship

Now, I’m not one to give love and relationship advice. If anything, I should be the one asking for it. A lot of my friends have types. Actually, most women think they have the same type: someone who’s smart, funny, attractive, charming, great with kids, drives a nice (but not too nice car), loves his mother, got/gets good grades, played/plays sports and is employed. Did I just describe your perfect man? Well sister (or brother), I just described everyone’s perfect man.

I do have one rule that I live by, well date by, at least: One ponytail per relationship.

With cheese being the only exception, there can be too much of a good thing. Ponytails definitely qualify as a good thing. I wear a ponytail at least part of everyday. Two ponytails is just too many. I’m not talking about pigtails, those are acceptable under the age of 10 and other special circumstances, like wearing a cowboy hat, french braids and staring as Hedi in a play.

I am talking about relationships. One ponytail per relationship, that is a strict rule.

Everyone take a second and grab you hair with both of your hands. Pull it to the back of your head. Can you make a ponytail? Yes. Then hopefully your significant other has the opposite response to that question. Please see chart below for clarification.

A ponytail is very powerful. A lot of men can’t handle the regalness of an updo. It says I have things to do and my long, wonderful hair could get in the way of curing cancer or typing many words per minute or eating breakfast. If you’ve never had a ponytail you probably just rolled your eyes. If you have, you just copied and pasted that sentence as your gchat staus or something.

I am not saying there can only be one powerful person in a relationship. I do not believe that at all. You know I’m a feminist. I’ll all over equality. I’m just clarifying one ponytail is just right. Two gets weird.

Two ponytails means a lot of hair in the shower drain. It means sharing ponytail holders and brushes and curl gel. That’s twice as many bobby pins and the chance of a repeat updo. Everyone knows when you’re trying to leave the house, one person needs to work on his/her hair as the other makes sure we have the present or check the directions or feed the cat. Two ponytails could mean a disaster.

All of these things could lead to a lot of tension in a relationship. This is why two ponytail mates can’t stay together.

Just ask Katy and Russell.

I’m not trying to exclude homosexual couples, Ellen and Portia figured it out!

Looks like it’s time for you and your significant other to sit down and have the ponytail talk. Who needs that ponytail? (In every relationship I’ve ever been in it’s me. My hair would resemble Cory Matthews if I cut it too short. Half of me wants to use Face in a Hole to put my photo on Cory’s face, but I won’t.) Let’s be civil and fair and think of all the investments we’ve made in products and time on our manes over the years. Let’s work together to come to a conclusion. You can do it.

Olympic Excitement

I flipping love the olympics people. (Get it? Gymnastics pun!) Year-rond, I’m a pretty patriotic gal, but this is really the prime time to let my flag fly, literally. Oh, and I think Bob Costas might be one of the greatest journalists ever.

When else can you wear your American flag/peace sign earrings and chant “USA USA USA” at the TV? Pretty much only during the Olympics and the World Cup (which I also adore).

Last night I went over to Erin’s hotel room because I’m in the process of switching roomdogs and there is neither TV nor internet to be found at the Dollhouse. We ate Batter Batter Blasts from Sonic and cheered for our team, our country and may have almost cried. More than once.

Of course, gymnastics are my favorite summer game. So the ladies bringing home the gold last night was out of this world. Aly’s final floor routine was inspiring. I thought about doing a double back handspring twist down the hall of the hotel, but then remembered my cartwheels are only average.

I can’t even imagine what that would feel like, especially at 16. Thousands of people yelling and clapping along. Knowing that it’s on international TV and your whole entire country is rooting for you? Unimaginable.

It does really put it into perspective that when I was 16, I was whining about not having a car and hoping someone would go to Homecoming with me. These girls are in London, representing their country and WINNING GOLD MEDALS. But let’s be honest, their parents totally bought them a car and I’m a head taller than all of them.

Erin and I discussed how we would like to see a floor routine to a Beyonce song. Is that too much to ask? Also, less crazy gymnast hair. I hear there were 4,437 crystals on every US leotard, a nod to GaGa?

We also saw some swimming, which was great. It blows my mind how fast they go, especially that last length.

Did anyone else think it was weird how upset Michael Phelps, his coach and his mom looked about the silver medal? I mean, really people, he’s the second best swimmer in the world at that event. Let’s not pretend he was the last picked for recess soccer.

I loved loved loved how Caitlin Leverenz immediately started crying when she won the bronze. Luckily the announcers didn’t give her the Phelps treatment on that race. I just wanted to climb into the pool and cry with her. I can just picture stuffy British olympic officials running out to tell us to get out because we’re getting too much salt in the pool.

The gymnasts show that raw emotion too. Huge smile or a tearful fake smile says more than the scoreboard. I love how they hug and cheer for each other. Gosh, I’m getting emotional just typing.

One of my dreams in life is to go to the olympics. The idea of me qualifying for the olympics is about as likely as my grandma’s chances of buying a motorcycle  (or a “murdercycle” as she calls them). I didn’t start any sports at the age of two. Even as a child/young adult/real adult I’ve never been that good at any sport. My parents didn’t let me practice 6 hours a day. So it’s probs not in my cards.

My backup dream is to go to the olympics to watch (or report). That still seems highly unlikely, but more digestible than the original dream. But what are the olympics about, if not for dreams?

GO AMERICA! 

Call Me Maybe, definitely

I’m not ashamed to admit that I love Call Me Maybe by Carly Rae Jepsen.

So what it’s a song probably aimed at 10 year old girls? It’s totally my jam right now.

I’ll be the first to admit to loving not really great music. I can’t get into indie, hipster stuff- trust me, people have tried. Sorry your mix cd’s just can’t change my mind. I like country, I like Jason DeRulo I like 80’s, I like to dance, sue me.

I don’t care what you’re into, you can’t help but dance along when you hear my girl Carly Rae. When I’m driving and Call Me Maybe comes on, I automatically pretend like I’m in the music video watching  that dreamy guy cut the grass. I understand what she means when she says “It’s hard to look right/at you baby.” It gets real.

Whenever we get to the part where she sings “Call me maybe” (all 50 times), I have to make the telephone sign with my hand and wink. I just have to, every time.

I’m sorry this post is so random, but I just want to let you know what’s going on in my life right now. Also, I did karaoke last night for the first time in a long while and I totally forgot to ask if the dj had that song. I’m pretty bummed. What’s your jam right now?