birthday cheese

4 Mar

Guess what? I have a special treat for you today. My boyfriend Josh wrote this post. It’s about the time that he bought me cheese as a birthday gift.

Yep, that happened.

buenos aires 2013

Josh & I in Buenos Aires

He kept telling me I should write a blog post about it, but I told him I didn’t want to sound ungrateful and snobby. If he really wanted a post about it, he should write it himself. Then this showed up in my inbox.

Please give Josh a warm welcome and leave him a comment, he’s new.

My name is Josh. I tell many stories, often long-winded and drawn out. This one in particular does not paint me in a flattering light. Please remember that even after this happened, Shannon still agreed to continue dating me so I do have other redeeming qualities.

This past summer I lived in Dallas, TX. During that time, Shannon had a birthday. I called her and the conversation went along the lines of:

“Happy birthday dear. How was your day? Did you get anything cool?” – Me

“Good, thanks. Yeah, I got some neat stuff. I was talking with my grandma and she asked what you got me for my birthday.” – Shan

“Oh. Honestly, I didn’t even think about getting you something.” – Me

“Hmmm. I see. I told her it was probably in the mail.” – Shan

“That’s a lot better. I should have said that” – Me

I’ll pause the story here to mention that after extensive post game analysis, it appears that this conversation was my downfall. I should have taken the advice of comedian Mike Birbiglia and “What I should have said…was nothing.” Still, keep in mind that I didn’t forget her birthday. I sent her an e card I picked out myself (Shannon adores and I called to wish her a happy birthday. Let’s just take stock in my ability to do that much.

After getting off the phone, I knew I needed to get her something. I was going to visit her in Columbia, MO the following weekend while in town for my sister’s wedding so I still had an opportunity to be a (semi)gentleman. The only question was, what do I get
her? As it turns out, Texas stores are dominated by mostly Texas things. After crossing off Texas Flag key chain, Texas vanity license plate and Texas Flag coaster from my possible gift ideas, I was feeling lost.

Then it hit me: The Mozzarella Company, a store that makes cheese. It was perfect for several reasons.

1. Shannon loves cheese. It’s in three of her favorite food groups. Click here for proof. I cannot emphasize enough Shannon’s love for cheese.

2. It was local. She couldn’t get it anywhere else.

3. It has a giant sign outside that says “Cheese, Glorious Cheese.” If that doesn’t scream Shannon, I don’t know what does.

4. We had a history there. When Shannon came to visit me in Dallas one weekend, we stopped by to have chocolate and cheese (yes, they do go together). The people there were super nice and Shannon commented about how much she would love to live in that store. Not live in Dallas, but the store was really nice.

So I walked in and had the clerk (yes, they have cheese clerks) help me pick out a couple of nice blocks. I made sure they were harder cheeses so they were capable of travel, and I walked out feeling pretty good about my gift.

I flew back in to St. Louis with the cheese as my carry on. (Maybe if I had bought the cheese a seat she would have liked it more). When I finally got to see her the next day after driving into Columbia, I gave my offering. Unwrapped. I honestly didn’t even
think about wrapping the cheese.

To her credit, Shannon smiled a little. Cheese would be a great gag gift. I mean, who would buy someone cheese as a birthday gift?It would be awful. It would stink (I promised myself that would be the only pun). I think it wasn’t until she realized I had nothing more to offer that the moment really sank in.

Some of the cheese Josh received for HIS birthday.

Some of the cheese Josh received for HIS birthday.

And that was it. From that point on, I was the guy who gave his girlfriend cheese for her birthday. I am constantly heckled by her family. I’m constantly heckled by MY family. I received no less than 4 blocks of cheese for my birthday. Shannon needed to ask if she should buy crackers when I mailed her a Valentines gift (A solid line, but I think she had been saving it for a while).

And the worst part, I never even got to try the cheese. Shannon said it was good though. If there is one thing to take away from this story, it is a surprising amount of thought can go into a gift as silly as cheese, and isn’t it the thought that really counts?

What do you think? Did I let him off the hook too easily? Should he be rolling out the red carpet when June rolls back around?


4 Responses to “birthday cheese”

  1. Mandy March 4, 2013 at 11:47 pm #

    I heard cheese is the #1 stolen item around the world. Everyone loves chese. Cheese rules. Shan, I loved the cracker line. You’re so clever! Lol

  2. erinjoneilErin March 5, 2013 at 10:17 am #

    Josh, I hope you know that Shannon, me, and the Internet will never forgive you for this. But we (Shannon, me, and the Internet) love you anyways.

  3. Stephanie A. March 5, 2013 at 12:54 pm #

    Josh is the worst.

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