Middle ground

10 Jan

I’m at a weird place in my life. No, not Columbia, it’s pretty normal. I mean figuratively.I am both old and young. Sometimes I feel like a 64 year old in a 19 year old’s body. Sometimes I feel like a 19 year old in a 22 year old body. For the record, I’m really 22.

When I’m with my family and work people, I’m as green as the fern that is slowly taking over my bookshelf. I have no kids, no mortgage, no worries in their eyes. I can travel on the weekends and spend my money on frivolous things, like groceries, gas and rent. I’m not counting down the years until retirement or rushing to drive someone to soccer practice after work. My fridge has beer, tortillas, pudding cups and lots of shredded cheese. Basically, I’m inches away from a college student.

Actually the lady who hit my car this weekend assumed I was a college student. A lady I interviewed yesterday asked if this was for a school project. Thank you for the compliments?

So yes, I look young, I wear a lot of Mizzou t-shirts still and I know who Nicki Minaj is. To adults, I’m a big kid.

Around my friends, I feel like a totally different person. I go to bed around 11pm, while they are just getting off Facebook to start a paper. They can go out late on Thursday (or any day) and sleep through a class. Or struggle through a class, then go back to bed. Not an option for an 8-hour work day. My body wakes me up at 7:02am, sometimes 8:30 on weekends. I read a lot. I have time to exercise and cook. I actually buy fresh fruits and vegetables. From a college student’s perspective, I’m living the life of a 40 year old.

Last night, I was going to go to Martini Monday until I fell asleep on the couch at 8:30pm. I’ve stopped buying clothes with lots of sequins because they are not business casual. I drink tea, for crying out loud. Someday, I’ll have to reread this blog to remind me of how fun and creative I once was.

But what do I want to be? I think I totally have a choice. I can still act like a student if I want, or I can close myself off to the world and embrace the stoic old woman of my soul. Oh the ponderous questions of life.


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