Occupy Size 6!

30 Nov

Probably my favorite outfit, if you can call it that.

A Black Friday post is on its way, I promise. It’s just that the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show was last night and it’s only newsworthy for about a half of a second. Surprisingly, my two roommates had never seen it. People always seem to forget about it until the day before and then people get their panties in a knot, watch it and forget about it until the day before it happens again next year.

I’m pretty sure I’ve seen it every year for the past five or so years. It always happens in the beginning of December and there’s never a lack of advertising for a program that pretty much is a one hour commercial.

The VS Fashion Show gets a lot of slack on Facebook particularly for promoting unrealistic body images and giving men unrealistic expectations. Yeah, I see what you’re saying, but maybe we can all step back and watch it with a grain of salt.

I know my body will never look like that. The legs on those girls would come up to my chin and magically, their thighs NEVER brush when they walk. Bringing me to another point, how on earth do they walk in those shoes with the heavy wings? No idea.

I’m sure today a dozen articles will come out saying they know the secret to Adriana Lima’s diet. Well, I’ll tell you the secret right now: have awesome genetics and don’t eat anything that tastes good. Are those girls healthy? I doubt it, but that’s another blog post.

If I had a daughter would I let her watch this? Probably not. If I had a son? Definitely not. But as an adult (am I an adult?), I think I can appreciate it for what it’s worth.

In my eyes, here’s what it’s all about: celebrities and crazy outfits.

There are celebrity performers. This year Kanye, Jay-Z, Niki Minaj and Maroon 5. Kanye looked like a fool in his pleather leggings, but Niki owned Super Bass. I don’t care what you say. Standing next to a seven-foot model who’s waist has the same circumference as your thigh is probably terrifying. Thinking about it is making me squeamish. She did it anyways and even danced with them a little bit. She wasn’t even wearing heels. That’s confidence.

There are also celebrities in the audience, Orlando was there to cheer on his baby mamma, Beyonce was there in all her pregnant glory, as well as a lot of other famous faces. It’s like an awards show that everyone loses.

The second thing I like about the show is the crazy outfits, if we can even call them that. Everything is neon or sparkly. I’m not a fashion person, but I still just think they are nuts. It’s like Lady Gaga made her own undergarments line- minus the blood. Each one is bigger and more blingy than the last. Would I ever wear them? No, but that’s not why they do this event. I like to think it’s more of a branding and image thing. Oh and a huge party.

I would like to end this post with a message: we do not look, nor need to look like them. By “we” I mean every other woman on the planet and by “them” I mean the alien models I saw last night. Ladies, don’t compare yourselves. Men, don’t bother to expect that (those models are a head taller than you anyways).

The part that I hate is how they interview the models. They usually boil down their personalities to stereotypes: the nerd, the athlete, the daredevil, etc. The models love to say how being an angel is a dream. One said, “Little girls watching us will want to be angles and some of them will.”

Wait a minute! You are telling little girls they can be you when they grow up. I’m glad little Shannon wasn’t watching, because who was going to be the one to break her heart and tell her that she’ll stop growing at 5’6″ and she would have a badonk no matter how many squats she does?!? That’s the truth people, I was not genetically engineered to be an angel, and chances are you, or your girlfriend or your wife or mostly everyone else on the planet was not either.

That’s ok with me. We can’t look at those women and create goals for ourselves. We know that. Little girls, probably don’t. So tell the women (and the men) in your life that they are beautiful the way they are. Let’s make goals to be fit and healthy for our own body types instead of underwear models. Let’s be the 99% or people born with some body fat. Occupy size 6! Ok, I’ll stop.

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