Why doesn’t everyone love tomoatoes?

23 Sep

Do you ever think weird things? Well I do and since this is my blog, I’m going to tell you about them.

I can’t remember when I first had this idea, but someday I would really like to fill a bathtub up with lotion and then get in it. And then get out and my skin would be silky and wonderful. This would be a huge waste of lotion and probably very expensive. Also, I would probably get out and be nastily covered in lotion and need a shower to get it off but my bathtub would still be full of lotion that wouldn’t go down the drain so I couldn’t shower until I figured out how to get it out of the tub. Deep down, I still really want to try it.

Someday I’m going to write my autobiography. “Write a book” is on my life list. I really like to write but I don’t really consider myself an expert on anything. All the great novel plots I can think of usually come from other things I’ve read. I don’t want to write non-fiction book about research. One thing I know a lot about is me. I really love telling stories so my book, would have to be about me. If you want to be in my book, hang out with me more often. Between now and the writing of this futuristic best seller I need to do something awesome so I’ll be famous. No one wants to read a biography of a nobody.

I love Jell-O but I just don’t get it. How does a pack of powder, a cup of boiling water and a cup of cold water become so awesome? I know there is a scientific explanation, but don’t tell me. I just want to think it’s cool forever.

Why doesn’t everyone love tomatoes? Seriously, they’re delicious. Whenever I’m out to eat with friends there are always one or two people who order their dinners without tomatoes. I judge.

Speaking of food, boy do I love brownies. I think I could eat a pan of brownies every single day for my whole life. By 30 I’d weigh 300lbs, but I would be pretty happy.

You know when you visit Google.com and the bar is already blinking, ready for you to type? Other sites do this too, like Facebook. Well I don’t know how complicated it is to code that, but everyone should jump on the bandwagon. The less I use my mouse, the happier I am. This also makes the pinky on my left hand feel loved because I use it to tab.

Whenever I meet someone with a cool or unusual name I always want to meet their parents. I want to ask, “What made you name your little crying infant Sunflower Birdbath Smith?” or whatever their name is. Who sees a baby and thinks, “Wow this is a Sylvester if I’ve ever seen one!”

I really want to have kids someday far down the road, which means I will have to give said baby(s) a name. I can’t imagine having that kind of power over a kid I just met. Think about it, you have totally different notions about a Mary than you do a Esmerelda or Chifonte. Even worse, all newborns act the exact same. They cry, they cuddle, they open and close their eyes. It’s not like in the first 10 minutes or so of life they’re going to do something name-worthy.  Maybe I will call my future child “Baby” (no Dirty Dancing reference, I swear) until I see a little personality come out and I’m for sure she’s a Anne or a Roxanne.

Or maybe people live up to the name they are given. Then will I be setting my children up for success or failure? That’s a lot of responsibility. Maybe I’ll just stick to mothering the flower in my office until I can get these questions answered.

Modern art is my favorite. Not Contemporary art (aka right now stuff), I mean Modern art. Look it up. I would rather do a swift tour of the Italian Renaissance and spend some time looking and thinking with Rothko and Sol LeWittwhen you take me to an art museum. Yes, I like the action painting (splatter painting) and color field painting. It’s the stuff that most people say, “My six year old can do that, we should take that off the fridge and sell it.” Well, news, your kid’s not that great. If you take some time to learn about the context and culture you might think Modernism is pretty cool too.

If you’re still reading this, I’m frankly surprised. I think you now know what it’s like to be in my head when I have free time. Sometimes I just have a lot of feelings.

This is a professional photo of me ringing the dinner chime.


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